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  Ok Ok! I know I just posted something, but I feel like a blogging machine right now! Sorry about the title but I was too impatient to think of anything because I wanted to get right to the meat and potatoes of this post! So tomorrow is the first day of school. I'm actually pretty excited! I've got some good classes set up this year. This probably is boring for you to read, so I'll add something exciting in. In my previous post, I introduced to a guy who I'll be referring to as Mark. I recently watched the movie Yentl and I kept thinking "How relatable!" except I'm not disguised as a man or Jewish and I can't sing like Barbra Striesand... ok so maybe not that relatable. But anyways I was thinking about how things can get so complicated so quickly! I mean poor Barbra just wanted to learn and share her knowledge with the world during a time when woman were thought of as uncapable to even think. But she didn't let that stop her. Too bad she couldn't even make it to the academy she hoped to attend before meeting a handsome young man who she fell madly in love with. But to this man, she was a boy. She was his friend, never anything more. If she were to reveal herself as a woman he could loe her but he would never be able to think of her as a person with thoughts. As a woman, to him, she would be stupid. The fact of the matter is: She was brilliant! Sometimes it seems impossible to tell a man the real story. As it was for Barbra. She knew his feelings and yet she still couldn't sleep at night for he was running through her head. Things can get complicated so fast. One minute you're friends and you're cautioned about the consequences of liking each other. It would change everything. Things would never be the same. Barbra's character knew this and yet she still followed her heart and revealed herself to the man of her dreams. Sometimes it's ok if things get complicated. Sometimes it's ok to watch as things pan out and fix themselves. And sometimes it's ok to follow your heart and work your ass off for what you believe in, no matter how complicated things may seem.

BIG NEWS!

      I know that I have been lacking in my duties as a blogger. The truth is there weren't too many things going on... until now! I have encountered a romantic experience! Ok it may not be too dramatic. But I met someone who is really nice. GRRR! I drive myself crazy. I'm trying to playit cool but ever word in every text message gets analyzed in my head. The truth is, he's amazingly sweet and makes me feel really good. The only problem: not too sure how much the feelings are reciprocated. But, WHAT THE HELL?, I'm going for it. We have a lot in common and we talk all the time. In my blog posts I will refer to this mystery man with a psuedonym, how about Mark? That sounds good. You might be thinking "Geesh, if he's so great why not give him some extravagant name Colleen?" And my answer to that would be: He doesn't need an over-the-top psuedonym because he is already amazing. And then you might ask yourself "Well if he's so amazing, why don't you just say who he is?" And my answer to this inquiry would be: 'Cuz I'm posting this link to Facebook, stupid! And everyone I know doesn't have to know the subject of my affections... Wow that sounded creepy...
     SOOO.... I need help with this! I have no clue what I'm doing! If anyone out in cyber-world is actually reading this, I would appreciate some advice. This post is a plea for help! Except I do hope "Mark" will overlook the posting of this link on Facebook and will not read this.... Oh my! I really didn't think this through! Oh well, I don't feel like going back on it now. Post a comment below if you have any fantastic ideas to help me through this. I'm completely lost. Thanks! :D

Halloween

So I'm sorta liking sophomore year... there's more parties and fun get- togethers on the weekends.... I just went to a Halloween party last weekend... It was super fun. I bobbed apples and now there are pics of it on facebook. haha. It seems like I can never do anything semi-embarrassing without it ending up on facebook. I was dressed as a nerd... which is ironic because I tend to dress like a nerd on a daily basis. But anyways, the party was fun. We played "never have I ever" and I made a total fool of myself. But it was fun anyhow.

Currently, I am sitting on my couch, waiting for trick-or-treaters. I thought this would be exciting because this is the first year I have lived in a neighborhood and the first year trick-or-treaters will actually come to my house. But now I don't really feel like even handing out candy tonight. I stayed home from school today because I felt like shit. I was supposed to have my friends over tonight to hang out with, but they can't come over because I sick. And I know people might think I am just carrying on with meaningless complaints, but Halloween is seriously my least favorite holiday. Ever since I was a little kid, I hated haunted houses and scary movies. Most girls my age live for Halloween. They think of it solely as a night when they can run in the streets clad in skimpy outfits for all the boys of the neighborhood to oogle and ogle at them. But seriously, by the time Halloween rolls around, I'm so cold I can't even think about going out all night in some short, sexy French Maid outfit. So this year my Halloween festivities consisted of a fun party with all my friends (whom might I add are not the kinds of girls who dress in skimpy costume; we are respectable!). And it was onw of the nicest Halloweens I had in a long time. My brother and I always used to have a good time on Halloween. We would trick-or-treat all over the place. When we would get home we would lay all of our candy out on the rug and organize it. That we would begin the bartering process. If Alex had a Payday bar that I really wanted, I could count on him trading it to me for a Tootsie-Roll. After, he went to college, Halloween hasn't been the same. But this year I did have fun at my friend's party. 

Anyways, I guess I just found out that even if you don't like a certain event, you can still have fun and enjoy yourself if you are surrounded by the people who love you.

My Drug.....

My drug.......

I'm addicted to spontaneity. In my small town, there's not that much to do. You can't really walk anywhere because there are no sidewalks. (My state is too cheap to put some in; we would rather spend our money on crap that doesn't even matter.) So I don't exactly "get out much". I sound pathetic and pitiful... yes, i know. But I'm serious! There is absolutely nothing to do. Sometimes, I go to Target and just walk around and test out lawn furniture and stuff.(It's more fun than it sounds.) 

Anyways, back to my drug. The only cure to the boredom and monotonous day in the life of a 15 year old from a small town in New England is spontaneity. Every morning, when I wake up I think to myself, what the hell should I do today? What the hell is there to do today? So usually I just stay in bed and sleep away the morning... but that only makes it worse! It only makes me succumb deeper into the sickness. So now I have found my drug... I tried it once and I have been hooked on it ever since. 

It doesn't matter what I do, as long as I am out amongst other people. Sometimes, it's just taking a random trip to my favorite ice cream shop. And other times, it's going for long car rides by the coast with the windows down. That is the best thing. Yesterday, my dad took me for a ride down by the beach. I had the window down the whole time. My arms and head hung outside the window while I inhaled deeply, trying to memorize the feeling of sea air in my lungs. I had substituted the stuffy air of my bedroom for the crisp, salty air of the ocean. Seeing all the people coming off the beach with their swimsuits and tans made me a little jealous, but it made me realize how much I wanted to go to the beach. So, I am. This Saturday.

Spontaneity isn't always about getting away or going places, however. Spontaneity occurs all the time if you leave your mind open to it. Finding happiness in small experiences can be spontaneous. Finding a new hobby can be spontaneous. Anything can be spontaneous if you allow it to be. Just let things happen and do things that make yourself happy, and you will know what I mean. You'll have more patience, more happiness, and a greater appreciation for life.

I am not yet a suitable dealer for this drug, though. I am still trying to become spontaneous. I think I plan too much. I have been trying to think of ways to be spontaneous. (such a contradiction). I guess I should just let the pieces fall into places and take it day by day. I was a bit spontaneous by randomly starting a blog..... maybe this was the start of my addiction. But I think it was when I saw how much fun people can have when they just let themselves.

Introduction

Hello!
Welcome to Potpourri! I am an aspiring young person who wants to express and grow creatively. I want to write and get my thoughts heard. This is my blog. I am not actually going to write about dried up flower petals which are commonly known as potpourri... this is simply a collection of my thoughts. Sorry if I am boring you already.... I'll try to do better. As I write, you might come to the conclusion that I am a couch potato who eats lots of ice cream and watches "Sex and the City" all day.... and you are probably right. However, there is more to me than there seems. I hold passion close to my heart. Passion for people. Passion for tennis. Passion for animals. Passion for food. And passion for the sacred, honest, and modest moments one experiences. These are the moments I have learned to keep safe and never let go of. My blog will tell the story of how I came to learn this. My blog will tell my thoughts and views about what's happening to the world these days...... I hope you all don't think I write about a load of crap.... I need to stop second guessing myself... If you like my blog then good... I gotta stop babbling.....
Anyways, some girls my age are caught up in texting, listening to rap music, and worst of all, be cruelly evil in every way. I am in high school. It sucks. I'm one of those people who doesn't belong to any one clique. I am simply going through the motions, taking life day by day, and secretly crushing on people from afar. On weekends, I don't attend crazy parties and play spin the bottle... in fact I've never been kissed. I read. I read ideal stories of girls like me who end up with the popular, sensitive, and surprisingly modest guys. I don't know how well I would do at a party. Would I be good at flirting with incredibly hot guys? Or would I simply let my nerves get the better of me and stand around silently like an idiot? I don't know. I don't exactly have the most impressive history with guys. I only really had one guy ask me to be his girlfriend. I said yes without thinking about any of it and the fact that I didn't actually like him... my best friend did! A few days later, he called me and I nervously told I couldn't go out with him. He is currently bisexual and looking for a boyfriend......gee, that worked out well.....
I am totally hung up about a certain crush. He is cocky and completely obnoxious in every single way imaginable. He is completely unavailable. I usually find myself with a strong dislike of any boy who thinks he is "all that". But for some unknown reason, I find that I never failed to be mesmerized by him. Just when I am ready to tell him off about his rude behavior, he gives me a particular look. A look that says "I have known you forever. I know I have a girlfriend, but I am still going to torture you with my impeccably good looks. I'm probably never going to break up with my current girlfriend, but I will give you this single look to keep you up at night with hopefulness." That rotten person. I can't get him off my mind and it disgusts me. How can I like a person who insults everything I stand for?!? This is driving me insane. There is another entirely unavailable boy on my mind. He says he is to marry his girlfriend... gaaaahhh!!! Why has every charming guy already found the love of his life?!? This is frustrating. I sound pathetic... here I am whining that I can't find a guy when there are so many tragic things happening in the world. I could be helping homeless animals or something rite now rather than sitting here whining. I'm sorry if I sound bratty. I don't mean to. I just find myself longing for companionship. I want to hold someone's hand in the hallway. And I want to have someone who will help me save homeless animals!

I'm sick of a lot of things. I'm sick of some of my friends. I am sick of facebook. I am sick of lies and being taunted. So now I am complaining. I am expressing to you all (if anyone is even reading this) a potpourri of my feelings, experiences, struggles, and sacred, honest, and modest moments I talked about earlier. I want my blog to express the confusing, horrible, and troubling things that happen in life, but also the wonderful moments and feelings of pure happiness and simplicity that makes it all worth the struggle.
-Queen of Kings